dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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