Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
