They should really pass out barf bags in church
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
