Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
