I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
