come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
