I just threw up on my dentist
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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