Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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