i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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