If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
