Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize