you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
