You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
