Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think people are normalizing furries
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
