he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
