I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
