i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
