just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize