Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
