just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
