This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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