I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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