I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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