is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
