Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
