Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize