Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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