chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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