I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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