Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
