Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
