the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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