I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize