Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
