having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
