Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
