so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
