I can tuck mytits in my pants
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize