fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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