I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
