she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're a waste of cheezeits
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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