his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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