I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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