Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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