I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
