I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize