If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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