Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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