Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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