I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
