I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize