I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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