I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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