So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
