All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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