mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
