he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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