My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
