Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
