It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
