If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
