idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's like iHOP with fire
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
