So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
