I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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