I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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