I don't usually arrange sex via text message
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
