Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize