You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
