oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
