ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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