So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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