Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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