There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
