"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
