we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
