She's JV to your varsity
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
