Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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