At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
