he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
