I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
