When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
