i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are the jesus of drinking
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
