I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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