just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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