i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
