An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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