i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
