Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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