I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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