Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
