Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need a beard to bite.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
