Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
