College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i've created a new STD.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
