My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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