Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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