I think I won the penis lottery.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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