i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
