I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize